Weirdest Conversation Ever

So i dropped out of the hemisphere for the first week of May and went and partied like a broke, ugly, talentless rock star in Sydney, Australia. My Marine Corps brother, Scotty, was granted two weeks of sweet sweet leave and his thought process went something like this:

a) spend 2 days of my 14-day leave getting back to the US. Spend not-enough time there, say goodbye to everyone--AGAIN--and spend 2 more days heading back into the war zone.

or

b) fly 6 hours to Sydney.

Um, yeah. So I, the hapless sister, got to spend two days in the air, which is fine because i am the Best Flyer Ever. Srsly, i can sleep anywhere. So we tore the barn doors off of Sydney, although my exploits are nothing compared to Stacey's adventures currently in progress in Korea. Scott and I had a grand old time and i took 1200 pictures (which is good because there are large portions of the evenings and some of the afternoons that I just plain don't remember). We mostly hit up the Irish pubs, which was funny because people actually THOUGHT we were Irish. Um. We're not. We would ask why and the Aussies would usually say it was because of our accents or because of our drink choices (Guinness and Guinness-like, mostly). We finally figured out that people thought we were Irish because we were loud, disorderly, drunk and apparently unemployed (buuuuuuurn!).

I'm just kidding, Ireland. You guys rule, seriously.

But anyways, during one drunken escapade at an Irish pub that was on the first floor of the hotel where we were staying, there was a band. And the band was AWESOME. They were called the Moonshiners and they were a haggly-looking old guy with an acoustic guitar and a younger, buffer guy with a fiddle. They ROCKED! I was singing along and semi-heckling the guitar guy from across the bar and apparently he liked that since he bought me a beer. Hooray!

So during an intermission, he comes over to chat. Over the course of the conversation, he mentions that he comes from a part of Australia that is heavily into mining, mostly cadmium, zinc and lead. So here we go:

Me: "Get the lead mining back in business, shotgun shells (which fire lead pellets, as an aside) are costing me too much money lately."

Him: "You Americans and your guns. We don't have guns in Australia. I don't see the need for them. I don't think anyone should own guns."

Me: *siiiiiiigh* "Yeah, i know. And your crime rates have risen as a RESULT of your gun laws growing more restrictive."

Him: "I don't think so."

Me: "I KNOW so! It is well-documented, and even more so in England. Banning legal ownership of guns leads to MORE crime, not less. You're sheep for the robbing!"

Him: "We don't really need guns here. It's ok if you want to shoot clay pigeons, but people don't need guns for home defence. There is too much personal liability--people really aren't responsible enough to be entrusted with weapons. But that's fine with us here; we're not paranoid like you Americans."

Me: "So what happens when someone actually DOES kick down your door? Then what? They're probably not there for tea time!" (remember i am drinking, which makes me even more rude than usual)

Him: "That doesn't happen often enough for us to worry about it."

Me: "Right, things like that only happen to OTHER PEOPLE. Sorry, but in the States we have tons of crackheads. It seems like everyone uses drugs."

Him: "Drugs aren't so bad."

Me: . . .

Him: "No, really."

Me: *blink*

Him: "Ecstasy is my favorite."

Me: . . . (finding voice) . . . "You think people are too IRRESPONSIBLE to own guns, but DRUGS ARE FINE!??"

Him: "Basically, yes."

He then proceeded to tell me WHY Ecstasy is awesome, how cheap it is, where to get it, HOW to use it, how much fun it could be if i used it with my partner, etc. I was looking around like, dude, i am in the Twilight Zone. Is this conversation really happening? Scott was making friends with a guy from England so i was totally alone to deal with the strange-ity of the whole thing.

It was positively surreal. I guess it is all in how you are raised, but i am SO glad i live out West, where (armed) life is best.

Moral: Australians are weird.

Exactly.

PROPER GUN STORAGE

One thing that you can never ever ever cut corners on, ever, ever ever, is proper gun storage. Guns need to be able to be securely stored in an area INACCESSIBLE to children/thieves/nitwits. You, as a gun owner, carry this heavy burden squarely on your awesome gun-owning shoulders.

That being said, I don't own a gun safe. Yet.

My rationale has traditionally been this:

1) I will never ever have kids, mostly because I can't stand children. I know i'm going to alienate all three of my readers with that revelation, but it's true. I have no maternal instinct whatsoever. I've seriously never even had a child as a visitor in any place I have ever lived. My sister who does have kids has to be pretty damn desperate to ask me to baby-sit, because she knows I will completely half-ass any attempts at child care (example: I do NOT change diapers. Period.) So the safety issue is pretty much nil because my house is more likely to be invaded by elephants than it is by anyone under the age of 21. However, my home IS invaded by nitwits fairly regularly. I call them my "friends." So i guess this excuse doesn't really hold water.

2) I have never owned a home. Home ownership is the time for large, immobile furniture. Home RENTERSHIP is not. Gun safes weigh, like, a trillion pounds. I am simply NOT dragging that from apartment to apartment.

So, you know where this is going. Our new president made the (totally awesome) decision to give me back a bunch of my own tax dollars to buy a house. $8,000? I'm on it! Thanks, Mr. President! I've been waiting 30 years for someone to incent me to be a grown-up and buy a house. So I did. I bought a sweet sweet condo. It is SECOND-FLOOR, so totally defensible against zombie attacks since I only have one point of access.

Problem: I have a home now. It's time to get The Gun Safe.

Bigger Problem: Second floor. A flight of stairs is going to be involved.

Somewhat Similarly-Sized Problem: These fookers are EXPENSIVE. And, like anything else, you get what you pay for.

Guh.

So a couple of years ago, I wheedled a promise of some moolah out of my parents specifically for The Gun Safe once I got a proper place. Moolah has been granted. So it is time to go shopping.

I will keep you posted on what I look at, what i like, and what i dislike. Good times, yeeuh. :D